“Even if you’re in the house on a rainy Tuesday, wearing something that makes you feel empowered” is a great way to “embrace that side of you”. Whether that’s taking selfies or wearing lacy underwear, Bryan says, it’s essential that you see yourself as sexual. So, introduce sexy acts into your everyday life. “If you’re doing something that makes you feel good, it’s only going to add to your life. “Pleasure is restorative,” Bryan stresses. She shared that offering feedback and complimenting your partner on what you enjoyed is a great way to build on your sex life. “But the other parts of aftercare … Like giving affirmations or acknowledging your partner.” ![]() “I know everyone is like, ‘you should pee after sex,’ which is definitely a big thing,” Bryan says. “Lube makes everything better,” Bryan says.īryan shares that there’s real value to showing gratitude to your partner, and yourself, after sex. It reduces friction, adds another sensation to the mix, and it can also lessen any anxiety that might be brought on by a lack of natural lubrication. One of the fastest ways to increase pleasure during sex is to introduce lube. ![]() ![]() This definition “not only means having the sex you enjoy but also sex becomes more novel and fun when you have lots of different activities to select from.” 7. Instead of prescribing to this singular idea of sex, Mourikis suggests adopting a new definition: sex, she stresses, should be “any physical, mental, emotional or spiritual experience that is pleasurable and erotic.” This narrow definition of sex excludes so many sexualities, genders and folx with different body types, disabilities, chronic illness or pain conditions.” “It centres the pleasure of only some bodies – namely, those with penises – which is why penetrative sex is seen as the main course. “Our culture is heteronormative and patriarchal,” Mourikis says. This method doesn’t work for all people, so it’s worth pointing out that the only sex you “should” have, is the kind you like. But there is a socially taught method to sex that many people feel they need to follow. She recommends trying to name twenty things, then switching notes with your partner. Write up a list of the things you love, the things you're indifferent to, and the things you do not enjoy. If you’re unsure how to start a conversation about boundaries, wants and curiosities, Bryan suggests making a “want, will, won’t list”. “Most issues with sex boil down to lack of communication,” she says. “Make consent part of your dirty talk,” Mourikis suggests.īryan also touched on this topic, sharing that most problems in the bedroom come from communication break downs. Similarly, asking your partner what they like or telling your partner what you want to do is a great way to make discussions around consent sexy. “If a partner says they’re super turned on, but they’re not lubricated or don’t have an erection, it doesn’t mean they’re not turned on,” she says. She highlighted that due to something called “arousal non-concordance”, physical signs of arousal sometimes won’t sync up with mental arousal right away. “When you’re trying to tell how aroused a sexual partner is, listen to their words, don’t assume based on what their body is doing,” Mourikis advises. ![]() Using “sex toys, your fingers, anything that’s safe” is a powerful way to build your relationship with your body and your sexual side.Ĭavan Images Getty Images 5. You’re by yourself, you’re concentrating, it’s very mind-body-connection …”. “ Masturbating can kind of be under the moving meditation umbrella, as well. “Spending that time with yourself is important,” Bryan says. You can also use the practice as a mindfulness tool. “Through solo sex, you can explore what feels good in your body, thank your body for all it does for you, being your own pleasure advocate,” Mourikis explains. Both Mourikis and Bryan agree on this point. You’ve probably heard this before – but getting to know your body and what you like is one of the best ways to improve your sex life. We spoke with Kassandra Mourikis, sexologist, MSexol, BPsych(Hons) and Janielle Bryan, (MPH CHES) a sexuality educator and creator of the sexual health pop-up, The Sex Exchange, about the sex tips suitable for anyone willing to learn: 1. Wondering how to be better in bed? While there is no one definition of what “ good sex” looks like, there are a number of tips that may improve the enjoyment of your sex life.
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